A Tale of Two Graduation Ceremonies

The contrast between outdated tradition and future innovation

What I saw of the Benedictine College ceremony was edited, of course. Still, the message delivered to their graduates was in stark contrast to what my daughter and her class heard at Longwood University this weekend.

I’m sure most of you have seen video excerpts from the speech of Harrison Butker, the NFL player who spoke at the commencement ceremony for Benedictine this year. In summary, he expressed his disgruntlement with world leaders who won’t “stay in their lane,” bemoaned abortion and IVF, and told the women who worked so hard to earn their degrees that their effort was essentially worthless, as their only ambition should be to become someone’s wife and to serve that husband with humility and joy and make babies, as this is more valuable to society than a career. 

“For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.

I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I’m on the stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.”

-Harrison Butker

Oh, boy. Son, this isn’t 1951.

Some men today may be mourning the loss of the traditional American male, but I am not. One can also argue that the days of the stay-at-home mom are largely impossible for all but the wealthy with the way our economy has evolved. Two-income households are now the norm. 

Ladies, if you want to be a homemaker, so be it. That’s your choice. But that should not be your only valid vocation in the eyes of society. Let those who yearn for the “traditional” female experience have it, but let the rest of us enjoy a choice to make our mark on the world in ways other than making babies and obeying a husband. Earning a degree is no small task, and you should feel free to use that acquired knowledge to help make this world a better place. 

Even the nuns of Benedictine College were less than pleased with Butker’s words. 

In contrast, Longwood’s ceremony was fueled by the pomp and circumstance that it deserved, honoring the unique problems that the class of 2024 endured. President Reveley understood this, highlighting the facts that this class was born “in the shadows” of 9/11, missed out on graduation from high school because of the pandemic, and had an awkward and lonely start to their college experience for the same reason. 

There was no preliminary scolding to keep your voices down and not cheer for your graduates. In fact, it was encouraged. Longwood understood the assignment. For the families of these graduates, myself included, this was our first opportunity to see them cross a stage and earn their diplomas. My family and I cheered loudly for our graduate, for my daughter was not only a banner carrier but was also honored for maintaining the highest GPA in her class. 

I brought up the year 1951 for a reason. Our keynote speaker was Joan Johns Cobbs, sister of Barbara Johns who spearheaded a walkout of the Moton school in that very year. Robert Moton School was the Black high school in Farmville, where Longwood is located. The conditions the students endured there proved that the notion of separate but equal was anything but. This battle of inequity culminated in the Brown vs. Board of Education case, and instead of integrating, Prince Edward County, including the town of Farmville, closed the schools for 5 years. A segregationist private school was founded for white children in response. 

The impact on the Black community was significant and still affects present generations of Black families. Imagine if your grandparents were not allowed the opportunity to attend public school and the hardships this would create. 

During my own time as a student at Longwood, I was privileged to take a class through the Honors College and the African-American Studies program about this period in Farmville’s history. Our speakers included renowned civil rights leader Julian Bond. We also went into the community and interviewed people directly affected by the school closings. The experience changed my life. 

The Moton school, which sits in a prominent place in town as you drive in from the west on Main Street, is now a museum. If you are ever near it, it’s worth a visit. Some of the featured quotes about the fears that the effects of integration might cause will make you sick. 

The courage of the young students who walked out cannot be measured, especially amid such hate toward them. 

Mrs. Cobbs was only 13 at the time of the walkout led by her sister, Barbara, who unfortunately passed in 1991. Mrs. Cobbs carries on the banner of equality her sister once bore. She had these words for the graduates of Longwood:

“Remember that your mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive, and to do so with passion, compassion, and humor. Give the world the best that you have, and make this world a better place for all of us.”

-Joan Johns Cobbs

Her speech was uplifting and encouraging, in sharp contrast to the message of doom, gloom, and subservience delivered to the Benedictine graduates. 

Now, you may be saying to yourself, but Benedictine is a women’s college and Catholic. Shouldn’t they emphasize traditional female roles? Yes, it is all female. But until 1976, Longwood was also a women’s college. I declare the days of college for women as finishing schools and husband markets to be over. 

Longwood’s patron saint is Joan of Arc, celebrating the strength and courage of women. The university takes great pride in her and the symbolic importance of each statue of Joan on campus, of which there are three. 

Taking pride in the intelligence, strength, independence, and success of women is nothing new to Longwood. I’m grateful for the gifts the school has given to my daughters. I did not raise my daughters to be wives first, but to find what fuels their souls. Longwood has been instrumental in that pursuit. 

The university also understands its place in history and owns up to past inequity and discrimination, working to reconcile that, part of which included re-naming buildings as they are renovated. The university is looking forward, not back; not denying history, but celebrating the evolution of the world and progress in justice for all. Longwood understands its role in shaping future leaders. 

Longwood University, thank you for such a wonderful graduation ceremony and for continuing to foster the success of women. You make this alum proud!

___________

Living in a conservative county in central Virginia, I’m aware that the roots of mysonginy and racism run deep, especially in the South.

As always, I hope you all are safe and healthy.