Did Your Family Have a Cure All Remedy?

Mine definitely did

If you saw “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” you may recall that the grandpa used Windex to fix everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. What an odd remedy, right? 

My family had a secret remedy, too. But I had no idea that families were defined by these. 

In the Deep South, there are many divides based on cultural differences, and wound care was no exception:

• Sweet tea vs. unsweet. (I was raised in an unsweet tea family. Scandalous!)

• “Ant” vs. “Aunt.” (I have “ants,” while my husband has “aunts.”)

• Coca-Cola vs. Pepsi. (My dad was born and raised in Atlanta. I’m from a Coke family by default.)

And the one that I didn’t discover until I met my husband: 

• Apinol vs. Campho Phenique.

I grew up in a Campho Phenique family. My husband? Apinol.

What are these strange, brand-name products, you ask? They are Mom’s answer to all skin irritations. Got a cut? Clean it with this liquid concoction, slap a band-aid on it, and carry on. Mosquito bite? Bee sting? HIves? All better with this stuff. Perhaps you bear the emotional scars from these yourself.

I imagine some old-timey medicine man in a traditional five-and-dime claiming to be a pharmacist came up with these remedies, much in the same way cocaine was once in the formula for Coca-Cola. It’s definitely got some snake-oil vibes. 

Neither one smells very good. The camphor of Campho Phenique is unmistakable. And Apinol gets its antiseptic qualities from the power of pine oil. You might as well live in the forest wearing these scents. 

My husband and I both have memories from childhood about these dreaded miracle liquids. I think our mothers still have the original bottles bought sometime in the 1970s when we were toddlers, still carefully tucked away in the medicine cabinet. They are so old that there are no expiration dates. It seems that these little containers could spontaneously regenerate their contents, as the bottles last forever. It’s a wonder that these companies are still in business because of this amazing quality, but they are!

My husband still shudders at the thought of his mother cleansing many a scrape with Apinol. Apparently, it stings so badly, it brought tears to his eyes. He tells stories about running from his mother every time this dreaded bottle appeared. I don’t remember Campho Phenique burning in the same way, but I’m sure it did.

Astonishingly, my mother-in-law never used Apinol on herself. Once, long after my husband and I were married, she cut her finger in the kitchen. My husband happily offered to clean her up and bandage it, using her trusty Apinol. She finally appreciated the burning sensation of the pine oil concoction for herself. She apologized to my husband for not believing his misery for all those years!

My memories of Capho Phenique are usually connected to mosquito bites or bee stings. I’m so sweet that our unofficial state bird of Virginia loves me more than the average human. And at least once a summer, I stepped on a bee as I ran barefoot through the unmowed clover. Minor traumas, but significant. 

Sadly, or not, the use of these traditional ointments stopped with our children. But they listened to many a story told by us and their grandma about them!

The other favorite remedy that lived in our medicine closet was Aspergum. As the name implies, this was actually chewing gum with aspirin in it. It had a super tart orange flavor. I remember at least once faking a headache so I could have some. 

These remedies are old school now. Not only are they out of trend, they may be dangerous! (More so in reference to aspirin disguised as candy!) Nowadays, we have grape-flavored children’s Tylenol and Motrin, sophisticated, no-sting wound care sprays, and Neosporin (even some formulas with lidocaine for pain relief). And these come with expiration dates! We even have cute band-aids emblazoned with favorite cartoon characters. 

Wound care is so fun now, my kids used to fake boo-boos just to wear those super fun bandages. This generation will never understand the trauma of surviving mom’s snake oil remedies, and the faking of injuries is proof. But I suppose this is progress. After all, there’s no real pride in telling the stories of being terrified of medicine that stings. 

Advances in medicine are welcome. 

___________

What’s your family’s cure-all remedy? And what memories do you have of them? I’d love to hear your stories!

As always, I hope you all are safe and healthy.