What’s a little anxiety….

Do you ever feel like something ridiculous happens in your day that seems symbolic of your life right now? For example, on Sunday evening, as I was cooking dinner, I heard a loud pop. I immediately knew what had happened. I had just experienced my first kombucha bomb.

What’s a kombucha bomb, you ask? Well, when you bottle your kombucha for the second ferment with yummy flavors and a bit of sugar, they develop carbonation. And even though I’d checked one of the bottles to see how fizzy it actually was, I grossly underestimated the power of the carbonation. Plus, some of the new bottles I bought were not as good quality as my first set. So, the pressure built, and then exploded one of the cheap bottles. At least I had some foresight and kept them all in a box under some towels. That contained most of the damage! My husband is a little concerned about the potential danger from my new hobby…

Sometimes I feel like my life is blowing up. My life is in a period of change and transition. This leaves me wondering what I should write. Do you want to know about my struggles? Or should I keep it light? Eh. Maybe it’s best to just be honest. Here goes…

My older daughter has moved in to her dorm room at Longwood to start her education there. It’s bittersweet. I’m so proud of her! But I miss her. And although I do have some anxiety about her being out of the house, I know Longwood, since I also went there, and I feel comfortable that she is safe. She has a single room by accident; her roommate decided not to leave home for college at the last minute. I do love that she surprised us with a weekend visit!

My younger daughter is getting ready to start school again. In our county, we could choose between face to face or virtual. She chose virtual. About 48% of her high school did as well. I follow a few groups on social media discussing all the changes taking place to start the new year. It’s clear that our county doesn’t have all the details of their plans clarified, and we’ve had multiple teachers resign or take early retirement for these reasons. School begins after Labor Day, and many teachers don’t even know yet what grade or subjects they will be teaching. My daughter also doesn’t know what her schedule is. Sigh. At least her Chromebook was delivered today. But we are powerless to control the school year.

After several weeks of unemployment, I am finally off of furlough at one job, and I am excited to start a new PRN position at a different hospital. My first job is with a company I know well, however, they have moved into a new building. Everything has changed but the paperwork. My new job has new everything. Sigh. It’s challenging to teach an old dog new tricks. God bless my mentors for having patience with me…

The other thing in transition is my waistline. Despite having stayed as active as possible in quarantine, I have put on a few lbs., and I feel disgusting. None of my pants fit. I had to go up in scrubs size. I definitely notice a change in my cardiovascular endurance. I mean, before it became unbearably hot, I was running or riding my bike 6 days/week. And now my running mileage is higher, but I’ve cut back on other workouts because, well, I was sick, and now I’m working again. I have to figure out a schedule all over again.

And although I still wonder if I’m doing all I can to make positive changes in this world, I still do love being a physical therapist. With over 21 years of experience, I feel very old school. There’s lots of new technology available to assist with recovery from all kinds of issues, but I still feel most comfortable using tried and true, hands-on techniques. These actually came in handy at my new job, because I was able to teach a younger therapist how to cast for spasticity. Serial casting is something I love to do, but a modality that isn’t often utilized in the adult rehab population these days. It is nice to still feel relevant…

Another upcoming transition also has me nervous. Will we elect a new president and vice president with the hopes of fixing all that has gone wrong in this country? Or will we re-elect a man whose main purpose in ruling this country is to serve his own interests? I fear our democracy will not survive another 4 years of what we have now.

I feel that we will not make significant progress toward racial equality and ending policies in our government that create systemic bias and racism in our society until we have new leadership. Get out and vote. The saying goes… even if the bus you want to take to get to your destination isn’t leaving the station right now, get on the one that will get you closer.

This tweet is very me. I’m currently watching The West Wing over again. Because the fantasy of how the executive branch of the government of United States should be run is far better than our current reality. I swear I get tears in my eyes every time I hear the theme song.

And if we’re all not anxious enough about the current pandemic and the spread of misinformation, the latest drama seems to be that the CDC lied about the number of deaths from COVID-19. This isn’t true, but I’ve seen plenty of mistruths spread on the internet. Read this article. Good stuff.

I have marathon number 8 on the horizon, and with illness, I missed 2 weeks of training. However, in the age of COVID-19, MCM 45 has gone virtual. I have unlimited hours to complete the distance, as long as it is completed in one effort. I can do this, right?

Lastly, I am about to have a birthday. I will be 46. When did I get this old?

The anxiety with all this change is real. The loss of sleep. The constant worry that I will not live up to my potential. The potential failure in that effort. First rule of practicing medicine is to do no harm. First rule of life is to treat others how you wish to be treated. First rule of children is to do your best to raise them to be independent and happy. It’s all a mix of science and art.

Maybe all of this discomfort means that better things are matriculating. It’s hope that keeps us going, right? Because maintaining hope is better than dwelling in the what-ifs.

I tell my patients that everyone experiences anxiety at times, and if someone tells you they don’t, they are lying! How do you manage anxiety? As always, I hope you all are safe and healthy.