Technology Needs to Mind Its Business

Stop being so nosey!

Did you set New Year’s resolutions? For the first time in years, I did not. After a couple of years in a row which were truly awful, I thought I deserved a break from high expectations of myself for once.

My technology, on the other hand, did not get the memo.

Let’s start with my watch. I wear a Garmin Forerunner 230, which is relatively primitive compared to recent models of running watches. This little shit will buzz at me every 30 minutes to move. I could have just sat down after running a marathon, and off it goes, chastizing me for my laziness.

My phone is its own special nark. It calls me out on my conversations and Google searches. It’s listening. Always listening…

It’s amazing what our phones pick up on. Whatever it is that I was just talking about? The product pops up in an add on social media. 

My younger daughter especially loves to play this game to trick your device to show you racey ads by repeating phrases like “HOT PINK DILDO” into your phone. And, yes, I did get some rather interesting ads. Sigh. The minds of older teenagers these days!

Once, I was cleaning out my pantry. I didn’t even speak items I tossed into the universe, but Facebook popped up an add for fish fry that I’d thrown out. Creepy. 

If that’s not enough, my phone possesses multiple apps to remind me of my lack of productivity with movement. The Apple fitness app, thankfully absent from my previous and truly primitive iPhone 7, is an ever present intruder on my new iPhone 14. It keeps nudging me to close my fitness rings, whatever that’s about.

And the reason why I was pushed to get a new phone to begin with? My insurance company has its own fitness app where you can earn money for meeting walking goals throughout the day, including a 30 minute intense workout, 6 walks per day of at least 5 minutes, and a bonus dollar for reaching 10,000 steps per day. And who decided on that magic number, anyway? It’s as useless as the BMI, a stupid marker of fitness created by a physicist. 

The app was not compatible with my ancient iPhone 7. 

My husband has been so obsessed with earning the maximum $3 per day that he paces endlessly around the house. It makes me feel super anxious!

And anxious is something I’m trying to avoid at all costs.

Why put too much pressure on myself at this time in my life? I spent most of my fall in crisis. I deserve a break.

I’m super tired of the hustle culture we have created in the United States. I’m just done. Maybe going through a midlife crisis perpetuated by crimes committed against my family has pushed me over the edge of not caring about it anymore. 

Sure, I’m putting on weight. I’m not obsessively exercising. And I’m also not denying myself dessert. And I’m growing the cutest little pot belly. I’m certain that my husband finds it attractive.

Last January, despite the sudden death of my father right after Christmas, I made good on my promise to myself to participate in dry January in addition to a run streak. I was very disciplined. But I was also a bit burned out at the end. February could not have come soon enough.

This January, my family is facing another loss of my husband’s aunt. She’s currently in hospice care. Never married, my husband is the closest thing she had to having a kid of her own. My mother-in-law will have lost both her husband and her sister in just over a year. That’s a lot. 

Yes, that’s correct. 3 deaths in our family in just over a year. 

Without all of my time spent exercising, what exactly am I doing with my time? I’m making art, reading, and writing. There are different ways to fuel my soul other than time on my feet and pounding the pavement. 

I’m also taking the time to organize some long-neglected spaces in my home, including my library. My bedroom used to be my favorite place to sit and read or write, but since that happy place was invaded by a bullet shot by my neighbor, I couldn’t sit in our sitting area and feel safe anymore. It is what it is. My library is my current happy place. 

I also thought that by giving my body a break from exercise, I would also have a break from feeling constantly sore. Unfortunately, this has not been the case. I have just as many aches and pains “resting” as I do exercising on a regular basis.

The constant battle with my body is exhausting. It’s bad enough that my brain betrayed me post-trauma, but my body is also betraying me, as my right hip haas been a little bitch for the past two months. Why can’t my body relax and revel in the time I’ve given it to rest?

You would think that with all of the running I’ve done in the past 10 years, logging 10 marathons and one 50k in the process, plus all of the training that goes into those races, that my body would enjoy the break.

One day I will get back to running and working out. I know I will. But I’m also enjoying this bit of a break I’m giving myself, exploring other avenues for meditation. I need it. 

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Did you make any resolutions for the new year? If so, how are they going for you? I’d love to hear about it!

Remember that it’s ok to slow down and enjoy life every once in a while. Life is short, and the world is terribly unfair. Carve out your joy wherever you can. You deserve it.

As always, I hope you all are safe and healthy.