If you are a fan of Trader Joe’s, you may already know that they develop new products throughout the year. Some of these stay, some of these go. I’m still mourning the loss of my favorite coffee: Coffee and Cocoa. It was the BEST!
I took you on a tour of Trader Joe’s at the beginning of the pandemic. Thankfully, life as far as grocery shopping goes is pretty much back to normal, with the exception of most everyone still wearing masks, including fully vaccinated me.
My absolute favorite staples are still there. I still love their canned jackfruit, the soy chorizo, vegan Joe Joe’s, and frozen meal vegan tikka masala. But sadly another vegan favorite, their cheeseless cheesecake, has retired. But here’s what’s new:
Salad kits
The Vegan Ranch Crunch salad kit is great! With crunchy veggies, fried onions, nutty sunflower seeds, and vegan ranch dressing, what’s not to love? I give this an 8/10. The Sesame Crunch chopped salad kit is pretty good, too. It’s like other store brand Asian salad kits, but with sesame sticks instead of wonton strips.
The Vegan Ranch salad kit at TJ’s
Hold The Dairy chocolate mini cones
Don’t let the small size disappoint you. These are delicious! And, truly, one will typically hit the spot. I love how the base of the cone is filled with dark chocolate. I give these a 9/10, and they will remain a staple in my freezer for as long as they are available!
These are a delicious vegan treat!
Vegan Meatless Meat Eater’s Pizza
With plant based sausage, chorizo, pepperoni, and cheese, this was unexpectedly good. I give this a 7.5/10. It is a frozen pizza, after all. But I have bought this a few times now!
A current freezer staple as a quick meal
Non-dairy oat beverage fall flavors
I have tried the maple flavor, found in the refrigerated section. It was great in my coffee. It’s not very sweet. I also have the pumpkin flavor, which is shelf stable until opened. I am going to pair it with the chai tea concentrate and see how that goes!
Shelf stable flavored oat milk!
Spice blends
Trader Joe’s is the king of these. If you haven’t tried the sofritas, you must. This was a seasonal item that was brought back as a regular item due to customer demand. Recently added Green Goddess is a lovely, garlicky addition to the spice lineup. And the Ajika Georgian seasoning blend is reminiscent of barbecue flavors and is really good in soups and to add another layer of flavor to BBQ jackfruit.
TJ’s makes great spice blends!
Vegan dips
The caramelized onion dip and the tzatziki are both amazing! Even my non-vegan family members love the caramelized onion dip, and that’s saying something.
Both of these dips are amazing!
Hopefully you’ve been able to try these new vegan items yourself. But if you haven’t been in a while, it’s worth the trip!
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Do you love Trader Joe’s as much as I do? What are some of your favorite items from TJ’s? I’d love to hear about it!
Yesterday my team completed an 18 mile training run per the schedule. My team also worked the SAGs for the Saturday teams this week, led by the coaches. You would think that this being my 8th fall marathon training cycle that I would be used to the ramp up in mileage, and that my mind would be at ease with this, but that is decidedly not the case.
Working one of our water stops, or SAGs as we call them, with fellow coach Malerie on Saturday!
The night before this run, the familiar thoughts of anxiety trickled in. Even though I didn’t feel outwardly anxious, my brain felt otherwise. I slept pretty well from the time I went to bed at 9:30 until I woke up at midnight. I began to wonder if I had laid out everything for my run properly. Did I put the chair I had used for our SAG stop on Saturday back in my car? Did I have my hat ready? Ugh. Silly what-ifs. And my dreams weren’t offering much in the way of reassurance, either.
My most significant running-related nightmare had some familiar themes: I had arrived 30 minutes late for our training run, and I was in street clothes, carrying a heavy backpack. All the while, my head coach was so kind, telling me not to worry. But I knew I couldn’t catch up to the team.
Of course, I woke up on time, I wore the right gear, and the run went ok. Even after a terrible night’s sleep. And I was even able to keep my little group of front of the back of the pack runners heading in the right direction, as our course had lots of turns. And I’m so grateful the run is done!
As seen on our run Sunday: the now empty pedestal at Marcus-David Peters Circle, where the Lee monument once stood. It’s the first time I have seen it in person since the monument was removed.
If training for the marathon offers so much in the way of creating anxiety, why do we do this? I ask myself this question every season. Oddly, I think by creating and conquering adversity on our own terms, it provides both distraction from our normal, daily anxiety, and it helps us prove that we can do difficult things. And these we do repeatedly.
Still, the surprise anxiety that arrives with the big runs never ceases to amaze me. When I wake up from these strange dreams and nagging what-ifs, I have to remind myself that I’ve laid out my clothes and gear, I’ve set my alarm, and I have trained for this. I have done everything I can to set myself up for success. It will be the same for race day. I just know it!
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Are you or have you ever trained for a big race? Do you have these crazy anxiety induced dreams, too? I’d love to hear about it.
And that’s how I feel about what I encountered on Sunday during my team’s long run.
Our 12 mile run took us through the Fan area of Richmond, and we spent a good bit of time on Floyd Avenue, which was gleefully dotted with extravagant Halloween decorations.
But it wasn’t the Halloween decorations that were scary and drew concern. It was the large gathering of first responder vehicles that we could see from a mile away, almost as soon as we turned onto the road. As we ran closer, we realized it was 6 police cars, the supervisor’s SUV, an ambulance, and a fire truck. There was caution tape up, and people were gathered outside the taped area. What I thankfully did not see was a young man hanging from the second floor balcony. I don’t know if we will ever learn what really happened, but it appeared to us that it was someone who took his own life. Several of our team members did see, and were visibly shaken, understandably.
It’s traumatic to see death, for sure. Anyone with an ounce of empathy thinks about what could have been for this young man. Why it happened. How his family and friends must feel. How on earth we happened to cross paths and view his fate.
My daughter lost a classmate who took his own life just a couple of weeks ago. Another young man. Someone who was viewed as a nice guy and a leader in her school. They actually had a short conversation on the day he died. She was pretty upset for a few days, and they were merely acquaintances.
As someone who visits dark places more often than I would like, I feel a strange mix of emotions when I learn that someone has lost their battle with depression. I understand the desperation of that moment when one decides to take their life, because I’ve been there. Depending on where I am in my incessant cycle of lows and highs, I might actually feel a tinge of peace about news like this, as if I feel the release of their pain. But then what they don’t see is the pain of their friends, family, and even acquaintances. Even someone who never knew them, but witnessed the outcome of their battle. And I feel sad for what their life could have become past the darkness.
And this is what my team is feeling. Sports Backers reached out to our marathon sponsor, VCU Health, who issued a statement from one of their mental health professionals addressing our feelings and possible need for support. It was well written and timely, and I appreciate it.
Depression is a liar. It tells you you don’t matter. It tells you that you are a burden. But seeing the result of someone’s battle lost reminds me that life matters. My life matters. Your life matters. The world would not be the same without our presence in it. But some days, I merely survive. Some days, I win. But I’ve never lost. I hope I never do.
I have a couple of friends who truly know how dark my world gets. They know who they are. But without these few, I may have ended up like this young man. If you’ve been in this place, please know that you are not alone. Reach out to someone. Anyone. Even the suicide hotline. But please, don’t let the darkness win. There is light. I promise.
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For there is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.
As is customary during marathon training season for coaches for the Sports Backers Marathon Training Team, we sacrifice our Richmond race for our team. We are on the course for all of the excitement and to support our runners, but this is not our fall race. We typically choose another race to run. The last time we ran live on the traditional course was in 2019, and my race that year was the Marine Corps Marathon.
This year, I’ve been a bit slow on the trigger button for signing up for a fall marathon. As many races were canceled once again due to Covid, I was grateful I had delayed. Marine Corps, as most of us know, was canceled this year not because of Covid, but because of security concerns. I guess with the events in January and with others who have driven into DC with cars full of explosives or firearms, this was a wise decision. I’m really happy that some big races like Chicago and NYC are proceeding as planned.
I was contemplating running a new marathon in northern Virginia, but a new opportunity has just emerged. When MCM was canceled, our head coach decided that we would have the opportunity to run a virtual course the weekend our team runs 20. She is tacking on a 6.2 mile bit at the end so those of us who need to run a virtual race can do so. Sure, it’s not the same as a run on an official course with crowds and views of a new town, but it is with my team and with support. It will have to do. The Richmond Marathon, then, will be my race, virtually.
Running with my team on Sunday. Photo courtesy of Bill Draper.
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Are you training for a fall marathon or half marathon? Is your race proceeding as planned? I’d love to hear about it! The Richmond Marathon is still planned to be an in person event on November 13th on our traditional route. There are full marathon, half marathon, and 8k distances, with the option to do all 3 for a special medal (with two of the three being run virtually). If you don’t have a race, maybe this one can be yours! Richmond was my first, and still my favorite marathon.
Have you ever visited an art museum and were simply blown away by a piece on display? We are lucky that in Richmond, we have the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts, which has an amazing collection to explore. Plus, admission is free! It has been a favorite place to take my girls. The last time we went, we saw this amazing piece by local artist, Stanley Rayfield. You really have to see it in person. It’s simply breathtaking.
Black Jesus by Stanley Rayfield. On display at the VMFA in Richmond, VA.
But there are other pieces there, especially in the modern art section, which leave you wondering why they are special! There is a huge piece that is essentially a square, white canvas with 3 lemons depicted in a corner. If only I had thought of that…
But that’s one cool thing about art. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What we find appealing can differ greatly from the opinion of our neighbor, and yet we are all correct.
Form vs. Function
We had a writing assignment in high school in my advanced composition class. Our teacher wanted us to discuss form vs. function. What I concluded is that while a chair is a chair, what makes a chair appealing is its form. Whether it’s comfortable, beautiful, a good size… all of these things are what make the chair enjoyable. Form matters. Form is art.
The Perpetual Crafter
As described in my bio, I consider myself an artist of sorts, but obviously no where near the level of what is on display at the VMFA! As a child, I would often sit at my craft desk in our family room and work on projects. I was pretty handy and making things out of nothing. I would spread out glue, add crayon shavings, and allow it to dry, creating a flexible building material for all sorts of things. My mom also bought me balsa wood in bulk packages, and I eventually built my own miniature house, complete with working drawers and cabinets in the kitchen with floors and walls created with wallpaper sample books.
As an adult, I have had many crafting phases. When scrapbooking was super popular, I was a big part of the competitive scrapbooking world. That is, the group of women who designed for scrapbooking stores, websites, and product lines, and who submitted work for publication frequently. I was even published about a dozen times! This combined my love of photography and my addiction to color. A couple of years ago, I went through a tie dye phase, creating shirts for runners and crossfit athletes. I also love to work with mixed media on canvas, especially inspired by quotes. These were picked up by a local gallery. I think the most wonderful part of crafting as an adult is the creative outlet it provides.
Some of my quote canvases. I have these displayed in my office.
Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
Pablo PIcasso
Art is Therapy
Aside from viewing art, which can come in many forms, creating art can be therapeutic. What gets in the way of creativity? A messy space is one. I told you in my last post that I was working on cleaning up my office. It’s finally a functional space, and that has sparked my interest in making art again. It’s been super fun to take some time to utilize this outlet once more.
All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree.
Albert Einstein
So while art can be beautiful, the process of making it can also be our way of expressing our love, our frustrations, our joys, our fears. Another way of expressing the unexplainable. That’s the power of art.
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Do you view creative outlets as one way of self-care and improving your overall wellness? I think both appreciating and creating art can be therapeutic. Do you love art, too? I’d love to hear about it!
One of the classes I took in undergrad as part of my base curriculum for my masters program in physical therapy was lifespan and developmental psychology. I actually enjoyed this class, and have laughed a bit as I recognized my children or myself in the various stages of life about which we learned.
And now I find myself in the sandwich generation. I’m in my late 40’s, just celebrating a birthday this month, and simultaneously navigating our kids into young adulthood and my parents and in-laws through the culmination of their life’s journeys.
It has caught me off guard how challenging this can be. I have all of the physical tools to help, and I’m much more prepared than the average person to advocate and help aging parents navigate the healthcare system. After all, this is a big part of what I do professionally. What I wasn’t prepared for was how this would affect me emotionally.
When you find yourself parenting your parents or in-laws, that’s when it hits you. Wow. My life is changing.
My dad had to begin dialysis at the start of the pandemic. That was rough. For my mom, that meant she had to take on all of the roles she didn’t ordinarily do in their marriage, and that brought her much anxiety. For my dad, that meant he had earned a part time job hooked up to a dialysis machine 3 times per week. For both of them, that meant realizing that traveling was no longer an easy option, and their wanderlust days were done. Covid simply added another layer of stress to this situation, since for most of this time, my mom wasn’t allowed to be with him for his multiple surgeries for port placements, etc. You may remember that last December, I helped them adopt a cat for companionship. Vaccination gave them a bit of freedom, but Delta has certainly put a damper on that sense of safety for now.
My dad with their cat, Lacey.
My in-laws are dealing with their own issues. I’m lucky that I love my in-laws. They are truly wonderful people, and my mother-in-law in particular is a saint. She is the quintessential caregiver, and has done this for both of her parents, keeping them out of nursing homes, for her siblings, and now my father in law. Both her sister and my father-in-law have dementia, with his caused by Parkinson’s. We are watching him slowly leave us, and I didn’t know how hard this would be. We are also helping make some choices for care for her sister who can no longer safely live alone. I know this has been just as difficult a transition for my husband as it has been for my mother-in-law.
I began the monumental task of cleaning out a room I use as my office and craft studio, previously trashed by my kids and which then became the dumping ground for everyone’s junk, and I came across a box of pictures. Some went back to my wedding, the births of my girls, and early vacations. It’s strange to physically hold photos! But many of these made me tear up. To recognize the person my father-in-law once was. To see my own dad in good health. To see images of friends and family who have since passed away. Oy.
A couple of the ones of my father-in-law really touched me. There is one photo from our wedding that was particularly lovely. It shows both my husband and my father-in-law looking toward the other side of the room, with the same exact expression on their faces, same tilt of the head, paying attention to the same cues. It’s really cute. I found a frame for it, and I placed it on my husband’s desk. Another was of him holding our first born, watching the sunset over the ocean. She was maybe 3? It was a great, candid image that I’m so grateful to have now. That one earned a frame, too.
Dementia robs bits of our person piece by piece. It happens slowly at first, and then seemingly all at once, until there is a shell of the person we used to know. This is how we are losing my father-in-law. We get glimpses of him, but that is it. Mere fleeting glimmers of who he once was. I know my mother-in-law is lonely. Even with this, he still knows she is his person. He will look for her if I’m sitting with him and he will call for her if he doesn’t see her.
When my dad first started into end stage renal disease, he was demonstrating some acute cognitive changes as well. It was frightening, especially for my mother. Thankfully, he seems to have recovered much of what was lost now that the machines have taken over the function of his kidneys and the toxins are gone. My mom still has her companion. They still have each other.
I think the biggest fear of those who are aging is losing independence. The second? Losing their life partner. It may be even more heartbreaking to be lost in the in-between.
I will continue to do my best to help my collective parents navigate all the changes they continue to encounter, all while continuing to raise and guide my daughters who are thankfully still mostly at home. It’s a strange mix of feelings, with a bit of grief mixed in. I’m losing my babies and my parents, and I’m caught between moments of denial, pride, and sadness. But at least they are all still with us.
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Are you navigating the sandwich years as well? Do you have loved ones with dementia? Do you want to hear more about navigating the healthcare system in the US for our aging loved ones? I’d love to hear about it. As always, I hope you all are safe and healthy.
This is marathon training season cycle #8. One of the mysteries of training is why drop back weeks suck so much. Seriously.
What’s a drop back week, you ask? In traditional full or half marathon training plans, the goal is to ramp up in miles for 1-2 weeks for your weekend long run, then return to a shorter mileage long run the following week for a bit of maintenance/recovery. For example, we may run 7 miles, next week 8 miles, and then fall back to 6 miles. Now in fall marathon training season, we are to the point where we will alternate a 12 mile drop back run with a ramp up run 2 miles longer than the last longer run. Next weekend, my team will run 16 miles.
This means this past Sunday, we ran “only 12 miles.” Yup. Only 12. It’s kind of fun to say that to your friends who don’t train for marathons. They’re like, “What? Only 12! Y’all are crazy.” Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.
So let’s get back to the point I’m contemplating today. Why, for the love of running, do drop back weeks seem particularly challenging? My hypothesis is that in our minds, we are mentally prepared for an “easy” run. So when our course creators do really fun things like add several flights of stairs to our route at mile 8, make mile 10 mostly uphill, and finish the last couple of miles on a major road that is largely unshaded on a day that happens to be one where mother nature is planning her last fire laden breath of summer, you just have to laugh. (Despite the challenges of our route Sunday, we still love our head coach who works so diligently on our routes each week!)
We climbed a few flights of stairs to emerge on the Manchester Bridge, which has a protected sidewalk in the middle and this stunning view of the Richmond skyline!
For my team, if you thought Sunday’s run was difficult, you are in good company. Even your coaches were surprised by how tough those miles were. When our minds are prepared for an easy run, while simultaneously psyching ourselves up for that next jump in mileage, we may neglect the very real challenge that simply running 12 miles creates.
Don’t fret if you had a bad run. It happens to everyone. Less than ideal runs are teachers. We can assess what we could have done better to prepare for the run, strategize better, and reframe our mental approach. Maybe it was a nutrition or hydration issue. Maybe you started the run too fast. Or maybe it really was just the weather! A bad run is better than no run, right? And bad runs make you appreciate great ones so much more!
Here’s to cooler weather and better runs ahead, because fall is officially here! I’m crossing my fingers…
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Are you training for a fall half or full marathon? Do you find that some of your most challenging runs are the drop back week long runs? I’d love to hear about it!
One of the things I’ve missed this year in Richmond, the city of summer festivals, is the Greek Festival. Obviously, it was canceled due to Covid. And although there are fewer things to enjoy there now that I’m vegan, I still love the green beans!
Since I love to try to recreate dishes I love in my own kitchen, I went to work on an adequate substitute. I’ve been making this recipe for years now, and it is a favorite simple side dish that tastes gormet!
Ingredients:
1 T olive oil
One onion, cut in quarters and thinly sliced.
2 cloves garlic, minced (or use refrigerated minced garlic or frozen garlic cubes)
2 cans green beans, drained
1 can petite diced tomatoes
1 tsp Trader Joe’s onion salt
1 T Italian seasoning
1 T dried oregano (I like Litehouse brand)
½ tsp red pepper flakes
Salt to taste
Directions:
In a medium saucepan, warm the olive oil over medium heat until fragrant.
Add the onions and garlic, cooking until translucent and beginning to brown.
Add the green beans and stir to combine.
Add the tomatoes, then add about ⅓ can of water to the empty tomato can, swishing to get the remaining tomato juice out of the container, and add to the mix.
Add the remaining ingredients, stir, and bring to a simmer.
Allow to simmer over low heat for about 20 minutes.
Adjust salt/seasonings as needed, and serve!
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If you try my recipe, take pictures, post to Instagram, and tag me @annecreates
This is a question runners ask as official rituals of summer’s end ensue… the start of school, the end of summer vacations, the closing of your neighborhood pool… but the heat and humidity is still here. Why? (said in my best, whiny, childlike voice…)
Indeed, if you are training for a fall marathon, cooler temperatures, air that doesn’t feel so humid that it seems you are breathing in a sweater, and sun that doesn’t seem to burn you to a crisp in 10 minutes are all things we look forward to as we move out of September and into October.
For most of us training for fall races, we are now in what we refer to as “the deep end of the pool.” That is, all of our weekend long runs are going to be 12 miles or more until taper. That’s a lot of time on your feet! It’s also during this stretch of training that we typically develop some version of imposter syndrome, asking yourself if training runs are this hard, how will I ever be able to run a marathon? I’ve now been through 7 training cycles. This is number 8. I ask myself this question multiple times every season! But, truly, it’s not you. It’s the heat and humidity.
So, what’s a runner to do? Since we can’t control the weather, let’s look at what we CAN control as we enter serious training miles:
Sleep.
Are you getting enough? Sometimes it’s challenging to get enough rest before a big jump in mileage as nerves kick in the night before a training run, so concentrate on the night before that. Make sure you aren’t skimping during the week, too.
Diet
Are you eating well? Now, this looks different for everyone. You know I’m vegan, but I’m definitely not perfect. And I absolutely feel better if I’m eating enough carbs and concentrating on a cleaner diet. That means reducing junk food, sadly! And I try to listen to what my body wants, which after a run is usually salt. There’s a reason for that craving:
Hydration
We sweat out a lot of water and salt when we run. Make sure you are replacing fluids and electrolytes regularly. Especially the day or two before a big run when you are expecting hot and humid conditions, drink water and electrolyte replacements like it’s your job! Hopefully you will avoid a post-run dehydration headache this way!
Extra curricular exercise
AKA: Cross-training. What kind are you doing? If you want to see what heavy lifting does to your performance during your runs, check out this post. Strength training should be maintained at this point, but not shooting for all-out Rx workouts at your CrossFit box, hitting heavy olympic lifts in the gym, or trying new and strenuous workouts as we enter “hell month.” The wear and tear on your body from your long runs will be enough stress on your body. When I was doing CrossFit, I ended up injured both marathon training seasons that I did both. Need some ideas? Look at my marathon training survival guide. Also follow @dr.lisa.dpt on Instagram. She’s a local Richmond PT who posts really good info about strength and mobility training for runners.
Gear
How about those shoes? Noting any increased aches and pains that can’t all be attributed to the gradual increase in miles? It may be your shoes! If you’ve been in the same ones since before this training season started, it’s likely time for new ones. I highly recommend going to a dedicated running store to be fitted for shoes, even if you fully understand the mechanics of your running gait. Shoes change every year when companies upgrade to the latest models. Good stores have good associates who understand this. And they should do a running gait analysis, as this may be much different than your walking gait pattern.
Another gear issue that requires attention is lighting! Sometimes getting your weekday miles in requires starting or ending in the dark. It’s less likely you will have an unpleasant encounter with a car or unexpected change in your terrain if you can see and be seen. My recommendations? A headlamp so you can see your path, and a NoxGear vest so you can be seen!
Recovery
Are you #teamepsomsaltbath or #teamicebath? I personally prefer a hot epsom salt bath as part of my recovery after a run. The magnesium helps reduce cramping, and the heat helps move along the inflammatory process that helps to build muscle. That’s what the latest research tells us. Make sure a good meal is a part of your recovery within an hour or so after your run. And, yes, things like gentle stretching and foam rolling are still a good part of your recovery. But now is also the time in training to check out a yoga class. Look for one that is Yin, recovery, or restorative in nature.
I spent some time on the mat last weekend. Felt so great to work on my mobility!
Don’t obsess about the training schedule!
I promise that if you miss a run, your training will not fall apart. To my Sports Backers participants, your coaches can help you with questions on how to adapt if something isn’t working for you. Personally, I stick with a 3 run per week schedule, making sure I get that mid-week longer run and my weekend long run. I swap one of my runs for another cross-training day. It’s just what works for me.
Find a buddy!
If you haven’t found a running partner through your training yet, now is the time! See if you can find someone or a group to meet for your mid-week longer runs, especially as we move up into 8, 9, and 10 miles for these runs. Having a partner for accountability helps so much! For my Sports Backers participants, feel free to post in our private Facebook group to find a match!
Remember your Why
That’s right. Maintaining your focus in training on WHY you are going through all of this craziness is half the battle. If you want a reminder about why we run the marathon, check out this post. The game is mental, for sure, but typically in a good way. You will feel like a stronger, tougher soul having endured this experience and seeing it through. As my friend Sarah told our friend Lisa as Lisa wanted to give up at mile 17 of her first marathon, the pain of not finishing will be far greater than the pain of the next 9 miles of the race. And in this season, we only have about 2 months left. We can do this!
At the finish line of the 2015 Richmond Marathon. I’m hugging Lisa, who thought she wouldn’t finish the race!
Summer won’t last forever. But if you have any doubts about the effects of global warming, ask a runner! Summers seem to last longer and get hotter than ever before. Even so, the cooler, crisper fall and winter temperatures will eventually arrive. Those first runs in amazing weather will feel lighter, faster, and reassuring. I promise, if I can do this, you can, too!
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Lead photo is courtesy of my friend Bill Draper. He is an amazing photographer and an accomplished runner, and if you don’t already follow him on Instagram, you should! And if you love the RVA and the James River Park System, he has a book that he created as a fundraiser for the park. https://g.co/kgs/eYnNy4 @billdraperphotography
Are you training for a fall marathon? Is the heat and humidity starting to wear on you? I’d love to hear about it! As always, I hope you all are safe and healthy.
As long as I’ve worked in a hospital setting, there has only been one time that this code was called. That day, of course, was September 11, 2001.
It was a beautiful late summer day on the east coast that was so crisp, so bright, that you felt a bit optimistic about the arrival of fall. Walking onto my unit in the hospital, I noted how beautifully the sunlight illuminated the hallway from the windows of the east facing patient rooms.
But the day unfolded with the events as we all recall in our own significant ways. I had heard about the first airplane hitting the north tower, and we were watching the Today Show’s coverage as we also tried to concentrate on the care and needs of our patients. But when we saw the second tower hit, we knew this was not a random act. And so it went.
The code D was called after the Pentagon was struck. The disaster code meant that our administrators were preparing us to shift roles and care for casualties that could possibly require transport to Richmond for treatment, expecting that hospitals closer to impact would receive the most severely injured and would fill to capacity. They never arrived.
Personally, I was dealing with my own life events. I was pregnant with my first child, not yet knowing if I was carrying a boy or a girl. We would find out later that week. My father, who was a civil servant for the army at the time, suddenly seemed in danger; I called my mother, who had not been watching the news, and begged her to make him come home. His base would be put on lockdown, and he would not be allowed to come home until after midnight. It was also the week of my birthday, which was celebrated with very limited fanfare that year.
How odd that 20 years later, I find myself working in the same hospital, on the same unit, with 19 years of separation between. How ironic that as we all reflect on the collective trauma that our country endured on that day in 2001 that we are all facing yet another long trauma together in the pandemic. But this time, we are not united. We are more polarized as a nation than ever.
It’s as if in an attempt to heal from that day, some of us took uniting against a common enemy a bit too far. The rise in nationalism, especially under the guise of Christianity, is alarming. It’s in parallel to Muslim extremists who were the cause of this whole tragedy to begin with, facilitated by our own foreign policies of the past. If recent events and new laws passed haven’t alerted your internal alarms yet, they should be.
I would like to think that this is not the legacy of this tragedy that should endure. I miss the America of 9/12/2001. We need love. We need equality. We need separation of church and state. We need a functional government that is not bought by corporations and special interests. We need science. We need the truth. We need healing.
Instead, we find ourselves in the midst of an epidemic of misinformation and cognitive dissonance. One only has to look at open commentary time at your local school board meetings to witness this. To quote Carl Sagan, it’s a “celebration of ignorance,” which he predicted in 1995:
“The dumbing down of America is most evident in the slow decay of substantive content in the enormously influential media, the 30-second sound bites (now down to 10 seconds or less), lowest common denominator programming, credulous presentations on pseudoscience and superstition, but especially a kind of celebration of ignorance.”
– Carl Sagan, from The Demon- Haunted World, 1995
So 20 years later, I find myself feeling sullen. As far as the Middle East is concerned, we are right back to the beginning, and I wonder what the loss of lives in Afghanistan was for, both civilians and military. I’m holding on to a sliver of hope that we can get our acts together and save our democracy. Because if we don’t, terrorists, both foreign and domestic, have won.
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I know. Another political post. I’m sorry. Even now, 20 years later, I still feel slightly unsettled stepping out into a bright, crisp morning. Where were you on 9/11/2001? Can you identify with any of these feelings? I waited to post this purposefully, as 9/11 itself is a sacred day of reflection. As a nation, I think we are still suffering from the enduring trauma of that day. If you are worried about the direction of our country, use your voice, and vote.
The picture featured is of the NYC skyline in 1997 as I saw it as I flew into the Newark airport. I may have been mocked by fellow passengers as the “tourist” taking photos from the plane, but it was the closest I’d ever been to NYC. I also got to visit in 2003 and saw Ground Zero myself. I’m still glad I took the photo.
Anne the Vegan 